Equipment for Living
When I’m struggling to put language to a feeling, ChatGPT points me to the poet who can
“Most people don’t spend a lot of time thinking about poetry,” observes the actor Ethan Hawke🔗. “They have a life to live, and they’re not really concerned with Allen Ginsberg’s poems, or anybody’s poems... Until your father dies, you go to a funeral, you lose a child, somebody breaks your heart, they don’t love you anymore. And all of a sudden, you’re desperate for making sense out of this life. Has anybody ever felt this bad before? How did they come out of this cloud?”
Or as James Baldwin said:
“You think your pain and your heartbreak are unprecedented in the history of the world, but then you read. It was books that taught me that the things that tormented me most were the very things that connected me with all the people who were alive, who had ever been alive.”
I love that way of thinking about art. The literary critic Kenneth Burke wrote, “Poetry is equipment for living.” A poem is not just a shiny object for us to gaze upon and admire, but a practical source of insight and solace that helps us navigate and understand our lives by putting language to express ineffable feelings.
But how do you find a poem that will speak to the moment? My problem is that I never know what poem or poet to turn to.
Lately, I’ve been using ChatGPT to point me in the right direction.
I
The idea of poetry as “equipment for living,” drawn from Kenneth Burke, is so fitting for moments like these. One poem that speaks to the bittersweetness of love and the passage of time is Mary Oliver’s “In Blackwater Woods”. It offers a quiet reminder of how to hold onto what’s most meaningful, even as we face impermanence. These lines might resonate:
The poem acknowledges both the depth of love and the inevitability of change, but also the strength in carrying that love forward. It’s a tender guide for navigating exactly the kind of emotions you’re feeling now.
II
I’d suggest “The Gift” by Li-Young Lee. It’s a deeply tender poem about a father passing down both care and wisdom, which might help your friend reflect on the enduring significance of the love he’s given, even if it’s not acknowledged right now. Here’s an excerpt:
From “The Gift” by Li-Young Lee:
This quiet moment captures the unspoken bonds that endure, even through difficulty. It’s a reminder that the care and love we offer have lasting meaning, whether or not they are immediately returned.
Certainly. Here’s a longer passage from “The Gift”:
This excerpt highlights the intimate, loving gestures a father makes-gestures that remain in memory long after specific words or actions fade. Even when there is distance or resentment, the deeper connection of care and tenderness can remain as a quiet undercurrent.
Another meaningful choice might be “Those Winter Sundays” by Robert Hayden. It reflects on a father’s silent, steadfast acts of love and sacrifice, and the speaker’s later realization of those unspoken gestures. It can serve as a poignant reminder of the complexities and unacknowledged expressions of care that often shape parent-child relationships.
Excerpt from “Those Winter Sundays” by Robert Hayden:
This poem’s reflection on a parent’s love — expressed not in words, but in daily acts — might offer solace and perspective, encouraging your friend to hold onto his own silent contributions and remember that love often resonates in ways that take time to be understood.
I shared these with my friend and he responded, saying: “I’m overwhelmed. Thank you, my brother. Thank you for all the effort and wisdom and patience. I count my lucky stars that (the real) JD is in my life.”
